Share Each Other's Burdens - Pregancy and Infant Loss Awareness

by Melissa Reddin

"I'm pregnant!" 

These are 2 words that pretty much every woman desires to say at some point in their life. We wonder what it must be like to feel a baby move in our belly or how wonderful it must be to see and hear a baby's heartbeat on a sonogram. For many women, their pregnancy was not filled with these happy endings. Instead they never got to feel their baby move in their belly or never heard a heartbeat on a sonogram. 

I have had 4 pregnancies that did not end the way I had in mind. My most recent miscarriage was in June. I was 8 weeks pregnant. These last 3 months have been rough emotionally. Between the past pain that my other miscarriages brings out, and the fresh new pain of this most recent one, I’m worn out emotionally. I’m not in a constant state of emotional distress, but the wave pattern I’m on sends a tidal wave of instability with no warning.

Random things, like shopping for clothes and not having to be in the maternity section or going to the grocery store and not having to buy the extra snacks I needed when I was pregnant, can drown me in grief.

I found out the baby died on a Friday and was scheduled to lead the music at my church the following Sunday. I decided to go ahead and do it because I knew it would be healing for me. Was it hard? Yes. And no one would have thought less of me for not even showing up at church. What an opportunity though to stand in front of my church and choose to praise God anyway. Needless to say I saw many tears flowing as we sang words like, “I may be weak but your Spirit’s strong in me. My flesh may fail but my God you never will!” You better believe I was proclaiming those lyrics with my whole heart!!!

1 in 4 women that get pregnant will experience a miscarriage. Many others will lose a baby in a different way. This means that there are so many women in your life that have endured a loss of some kind.

There are people surrounding us that are going through all kinds of hardships including the loss of a child. So how has God called us to respond?

Galatians 6:2-3 says, "Share each other's burdens, and in this way obey the law of Christ. If you think you are too important to help someone, you are only fooling yourself. You are not that important.”

I don’t know about you but these verses are incredibly convicting to me. Paul is basically saying that to not be there for one another is disobeying Christ. How do we live out this verse as we seek to consider, love, and encourage one another? Obviously it wouldn't look like giving someone a high five that just told you they lost a family member. Or putting your hand on a friend's shoulder sympathetically while saying, "I am so sorry," right after they told you they got the promotion they wanted. 

And in what ways should we respond to things that are not as obvious or just feel unnatural? Do we avoid it? Should we assume it's better to do nothing than to perhaps offend?

Romans 12:15 says, "Be happy with those who are happy, and weep with those who weep.”

Yes, it’s really that simple.

Share their burden.

Here are some great things to you can do to effectively achieve this when someone you know loses a baby:

 

October is Pregnancy and Infant Loss Awareness Month. This is an opportunity for those that have lost a baby to tell their story. By telling your story you will be a part of breaking the silence to an often overlooked topic in society and the church. 

It’s only once we let others know we’re hurting that they have the opportunity to share our burden. If you have not lost a baby, look for ways you can minister to those that have. Take a look at the above list and keep those 7 thoughts in mind.

October 15th is Pregnancy and Infant Loss Awareness Day. There is an annual international event going on that evening. At 7:00pm you are to light a candle in remembrance of your baby and leave it lit for an hour. If someone from every time zone does this, there will be a continuous wave of light honoring all babies lost for 24 hours. It’s so encouraging to know that millions of others are remembering with you! Even if you have not personally endured a loss, light one for someone who has.

Trinity Wives Fellowship will have a Remembering Our Babies Candle Vigil in April of 2015. The point of these vigils are not to come and burden you with grief. Their purpose is to do exactly what the theme verse (Hebrews 10:23-25) of TWF this year tells us to do. It will be a special time to gather together, consider, love and encourage one another.

I have a ministry called Silent Plea Ministries for those that have endured a loss to find hope and encouragement. I also have a passion for enlightening the public on this topic. If you’d like to learn more about my ministry you can go to my Facebook page and blog.

I love you all and pray that you feel encouraged and challenged to go out and share one another’s burdens.

Grace and Peace,

Melissa Reddin

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Melissa came to Trinity in Fall 2011 with her husband Scott to pursue his MDiv.  She has two boys, Ethan (4, almost 5) and Nathaniel (1, almost 2).  She currently works at Arlington Community Church where she and her family attend, and she has previously worked as a massage therapist and ran her own chocolate-making business.  Since arriving at TEDS, Melissa has been a part of TWF as a small group member, 2012-2013 Vice President, and a provider of delicious chocolate treats at various events. Through Silent Plea Ministries, Melissa hosts candle vigils for communities and churches, and she speaks to raise awareness and remember babies lost.