Unseduced and Unshaken by Rosalie de Rosset

A summary of the book...
     Unseduced and Unshaken: The Place of Dignity in a Young Woman's Choices is a thought-provoking book. The purpose of the book is to help women who are "trying to make their way as Christians in a complicated and confusing world." The book contains ten chapters covering a range of topics. Each chapter includes some quotes and definitions as well as discussion questions and a suggested reading list. De Rosset is joined by three co-authors. Here is a brief look at the chapters.

     "Minding Your Dignity" explores the meaning of dignity as well as examining what it means to live a life of dignity.

     "Finding Your Voice," written by Pam MacRae, discusses what a person's voice means as well as how a person's voice is encouraged or silenced.

     "Longing: From Disparity to Desire," by Linda Haines, explores the meaning of the divided self and how one can subdue the darkness without being overwhelmed by it.

     "Everything Is Theology" is a call to study the truth of God and think beyond the mundane things of life.

     "Distracted or Dignified: Solid or Ghostly" explores the ways in which women are tempted to the obsession over appearance and the "pursuit of the trivial."

     "Mindful or Mindless: A Theology of Play" challenges the reader to reflect on how she uses her leisure time either as escapism or a means of sharpening her mind.

     "Reading as a Spiritual Exercise" helps to distinguish classic wholesome books from wispy books without lasting substance.

     The next two chapters explore sexual dignity and modesty - which are reviewed below.

     The final chapter "Is It Worth It? Is He Worthy?" challenges us to ask if God is worthy of this life of dignity we are called to. There are two appendices which are student essays reflecting on how this discussion of modesty has refined the way they view their culture and generation.

A quick dive in...
      Linda Haines wrote the chapter titled "Sexual Dignity: Not by Accident." In this chapter, Haines begins by reflecting on the meaning of chastity. As believers we are called to practice our sexuality by total faithfulness to our spouse or through total abstinence. This is in contrast with society's call to be free sexual beings seeking only what brings pleasure or gives meaning. Though chastity is not popular, it "really is God's best for us, the best from the one who wants to protect us from objectification, who wants us to be cherished, who wants us to know the joy of living dignified, holy lives and the true joy of desire. We cannot break God's rule of chastity without wounding our souls.

     The reason this is true is that we are not divided beings. Our sexuality is an integral part of our selves, not some detached aspect of us. Haines, then, discussed the effect of the sexual revolution of the 60s and how it "set a precedent for the trend of women being only sexual." She ends the chapter with a discussion of the dangers of female pornography, masturbation, and same-sex attraction.

     One of the most powerful quotes from this section says, "[Pornography] freezes the soul and heart in a cold indifference to the human dignity of others and of oneself." She then calls women to action by challenging them that sexual dignity is not "by accident." Instead sexual dignity must be a lifelong pursuit of holiness.

     In the chapter "A Theology of Modesty: Naked Yet Unashamed" by Stacie Parlee-Johnson, she argues that an "understanding that modesty comes from holiness" should provide us with the internal encouragement towards being modest without the "three-finger rule." She begins with the reason for clothing and how its use began in the Garden of Eden after sin. After all, "[a] list of rules for dress is not the same as understanding why we put on clothes in the first place." Unashamed nakedness in the garden is an expression of a right relationship with God. So, clothing is our declaration of the necessity of covering our shame.

     She explains how our souls are clothed in righteousness through the nakedness of Christ on the cross. However, she goes on to show that this does not mean nakedness and sexual desire have no place in the life of Christian women. "[H]oly desires have sacred places; in marriage men and women can sexually desire one another and be naked and unashamed, but only in marriage." As Christian women, we are asked to consider the link between modesty and our union with Christ.

By Sarah Price

Crowns Editor

Sacred Marriage by Gary Thomas

A summary of the book...
     In this book, we are asked the thought-provoking question, "What if God designed marriage to make us holy more than to make us happy?" This book seeks to persuade us that marriage teaches devotion and sanctifies the couple in ways singleness cannot, as well as showing us how sex can enhance our spiritual lives, and vice-versa.

     How does marriage, passion, and romance point us more fully to God? God uses marriage as a picture of His pursuit of His people all throughout the Old and New Testaments. Marriage, as a covenant, shows the unconditional and unwavering love God has for His people. It also is a picture to the world of the gospel and the ways God has pursued His people.

     Marriages often become hollow because one or both spouses are looking for fulfillment in one another. Rather, marriage is a journey to knowing God more and reflecting His Son more fully. Marriage forces each spouse to learn to forgive, to become selfless, to learn to be humble, and to be confronted with sin.

     The more we learn about how to love our spouse, the more we learn about how to love God. One of the ways marriage teaches us all of these things is through sex and intimacy.

A quick dive in...
      Sex teaches and represents loving one another, humility, selflessness, and even worship. Sex can teach us about prayer. By physically enjoying and pleasing our spouse, we better understand what it means to fully give yourself to God in worship, to speak softly to Him, and to wonder how we can please Him in ways He wants to be pleased.

     Marriage teaches us what it means to come together, "falling" towards one another in intimacy. This means not only sexual fidelity, but actually becoming one with each other, to "commingle our souls." In order to do this, we must share our inner self through communication - spoken and physical. We cannot have true intimacy if we avoid physical communication through sexual and non-sexual touch and we cannot share our inner selves without taking the time to talk with each other and listen to one another. This means truly understanding what the other spouse is talking about! Surrendering our demands and our wishes to please our spouse, so as to meet their needs.

     We must understand that apathy is the opposite of Christian love, and doesn't fulfill our marital duty. Even conflict can provide an avenue to become more engaged (which is why "make-up sex" is something real) as conflict is overcome and forces the couple to "fall" towards one another.

     Sex bestows a great amount of relational power which can be used to serve and sacrifice for one another. This means manipulation is completely out of the question for Christian marriages. When a spouse denies the other of physical intimacy, there is no other outlet. On the other hand, placing a great sexual burden in an attempt to meet other unmet needs is another use of power. We shouldn't use our bodies to manipulate or destroy.

     Sex can be used as a spiritual discipline, if we become theologically grounded in our view of sex. Thomas suggests praying through the sexual experience, thanking God for sex. If either spouse is struggling with shame and guilt surrounding sex, he says that "gratitude can replace guilt."

     Marriage causes us to focus on internal beauty. Though we should upkeep our bodies, we can have the grace of acceptance towards one another, knowing that our bodies will not always be in great shape. Married men and women can know each other intimately, and this allows each spouse to love the body that is real, rather than fantasies or images.

     Sex also teaches us to give what we have to one another fully, whether we are happy with ourselves or not. Practicing this in marriage and in sexual intimacy allows us to better understand giving ourselves fully to God - giving what we have whether we like what we have or not.

By Sarah Smith

Highwood/Highland Park Small Group Leader