Welcome to the Crowns Blog - Fall 2014

Crowns is a key component to the TWF mission, because it allows wives to have access to the equipping and fellowship that’s found at small and large group meetings, regardless of whether or not they can attend.

Where does this equipping and fellowship come from? It comes from you!  

 

Yes, each and every one of you has a story or a message that can bring encouragement and blessing to the whole Trinity Wives community.  

Whether you are new to Trinity or you’ve been here for years,

whether you and your husband have a clear ministry focus or you are still seeking God’s direction,

whether you have spoken English your whole life or you just are learning it,

we want to hear from you, 

because your story is important!

What’s on your mind?  What’s on your heart?  We love to hear from every woman’s perspective. 

Crowns Topics in the past have included

• marriage (naturally!),
• culture shock,
• date night ideas,
• recipes,
• finances,
• infertility and grief,
• reviews of bible studies,
• interviews with speakers and professors,
• and fun ideas for couples and families. 

Really, just about any topic works for Crowns!

Contact twfcrowns@gmail.com if you would like to contribute.  

Everyone has a story worth sharing, and that includes you!

YIKES - Part 2

by Tricia Dunton

WHAT CAN I DO?

I’m wrestling with the feeling of being such a small drop in the giant ocean of problems. Trying to figure out: what can I do? How do I make any difference in larger issues? In my previous post I talked about human trafficking and I struggle to think how a mom of two young boys, living in Chicago, with a husband in seminary, can really do anything about something so huge. I’m totally powerless so maybe I just don’t try at all. This is where God showed me the verse from Haggai that just called me out and smacked me in the face. So, what can I do to help rebuild the Lord’s house? And again, I often come up short.

My in-laws have always had a verse hanging above their fireplace where most people put the pictures of their families. It’s the most central place in the house and you absolutely cannot be in their house without seeing it. I absolutely cannot be in their house without being convicted by it. It reads, “If My people who are called by My name humble themselves and pray and seek My face and turn from their wicked ways, then I will hear from heaven and will forgive their sin and heal their land” (2 Chron 7:14).

There is nothing more powerful that we can do than to pray. Fervently pray. Humbly pray. But is this where I end up when I feel most powerless? Not usually. I don’t automatically rely on prayer—not true prayer. I rely on prayer when I’m getting a little short with my toddler or I sneak it in when I want a really good parking spot at Target but I’m not falling on my face, heart breaking, humbly coming before the Lord of the universe asking Him to use me. And if I’m not, then what does that say I believe about him? Do I believe who He says He is?

Prayer almost always precedes change. Good change, God-lead change, bold changes are most definitely preceded by prayer. But do we pray dangerously and boldly? Are we asking God for big enough things that our own faith is being stretched? Do our prayers and our requests line up with the big God we say we believe in? Because our prayers will tell us what we truly believe about Him. Do we even really pray?

I mean REALLY pray. I know plenty of non-believers that when they need something, make the deposit into the request box and send a quick little prayer up to “whomever is up there.” Do my prayers look and sound drastically different from theirs? Or could they be confused? Do I put God in a box that my understanding has created? Because the God of the Bible definitely does not exist in that box.

Prayer is the place where our relationship with the Lord grows. It’s how our relationships with our husbands, kids, friends, family, anyone really grows—communication. Our closeness to God grows deeper as we pray. We learn about Him, His ways, His purposes, His character through prayer. We experience Him in prayer. We can only subsist outside of prayer for so long before the chasm starts to grow. And it can grow so deep that He starts to look really, really far away. And then we are left at the point of helplessness—not sure where or how we contribute.

So you may feel like you don’t know where or how you can be furthering the kingdom from your current station in life and I'm here to say that you can further it from the ground up, through prayer. You are not helpless in the face of these larger issues. As a Christian, you have the gateway to the only One who can help. Let’s start using that.

If My people who are called by My name humble themselves and pray and seek My face and turn from their wicked ways, then I will hear from heaven and will forgive their sin and heal their land.

YIKES - Part 1

by Tricia Dunton

As we have been reading Ruth this semester, there have been a few things that stick out for me that have been pretty convicting. Ruth decides to essentially leave everything she knows because she is so moved by Naomi and her connection with her. She sheds her identity as a Moabite, leaves her hometown to go somewhere that she KNOWS people will not like her very much and life is going to be incredibly hard. Ruth willingly walks right into that.

And I can’t help but feel the Spirit asking me, “Are you so moved? Have you left your identity in a world where you know people will not like you? Have you shed your old self? I mean really, truly, sloughed off your identity because Christ has so moved you?” If I am honest with myself, sometimes I don’t know if I can answer a resounding “Of course! You move me Lord! I don’t care about any of that old stuff, stuff of this world. I will give it all up! Not. A. Problem” Too often my answer is a little more like “sure thing. I know that’s how I feel. In my head, I know that’s the Christian response but let’s not turn this into some big thing. I can take your identity but I don’t think that I REALLY have to be hated by the world right?” Reading Ruth makes this response seem, well, lets just say: YIKES!

So if I am to truly be moved, what does that look like in my life? Where are the places that the Lord is stirring in my heart? Our book author, Carolyn Custis James (CCJ to me because, lets be honest, if you’re going to feel convicted you always want it to be from a buddy), talks about the character of Naomi bringing to light the disparity among people. And she says, “The issue at hand is not whether the local welfare system is inadequate, but what God’s people will do with their advantages, power, and resources.” Another YIKES moment. What am I doing with the advantages and resources I have been given? CCJ goes on to, more or less, pose the question “will we hoard our blessings or open our hearts and hands to others?” Being confronted with the widow, Naomi, asks us just this. God calls us to protect the widows, orphans, and sojourners. How am I doing this in my life? Where is God calling me to be open handed or hearted?

Often I am completely overwhelmed trying to think about how in the world I can help any of these groups of disadvantaged people. We read this chapter right around the time of the Super Bowl and there were so many ads leading up to it about human trafficking. Those ads always get me fired up but that fire fizzles as the problem seems so big and out of reach that nothing I could do would actually make any difference. So I become complacent and just tend to my own life and try to keep things in order for those I am already close to. I think Jen Hatmaker described it on her Facebook page as “blessing the blessed.” It’s just so much easier.

Then God lead me to Haggai 1:9b “my house lies in ruins…while all of you busies himself with his own house.” And YIKES again. I am 100% guilty of busying myself with my own house while God’s house, His people, lay in ruins. I just start living for me, same old identity, nothing new. CJJ told a story about Eloise who, in the midst of her deteriorating health, at the end of her life, caught herself complaining and reminds herself, “I’m forgetting God is here. I’m not living for his purpose.”

Aaaaaand YIKES again.

Have I really been so moved? Am I open hearted and open handed with the blessings the Lord has given me? Am I tending to his house, which lays in ruin? Did I forget God is here? Am I living for his purpose?

Too often I am ashamed of the real answers to those questions. There is only one way for that change to take root: PRAYER.

More to come…

Hedges

by Jayma Mosher

I've realized recently that I am passionate about hedges. Not the ones in my yard, but the ones that surround my marriage. Dave and I have high and thick hedges. It may seem prudish to others that we won't be alone in the car with the opposite sex, or eat alone, or close the door for a meeting, or that we are very conscious about what types of movies or tv shows we watch. But our marriage is worth more to us than what others think.  We did not come to this agreement completely on our own, we were prompted to discuss these boundaries and keep them in place. As we focus on marriage this year, I feel this is an important topic to bring up. Have you and your husband developed hedges around your marriage?

In 1 Timothy 3:2, Paul outlines the qualification for the overseers and deacons of the church. Among the qualifications is "faithful to his wife." Do we just gloss over that as if it is expected? Or do we do everything in our power to make sure that happens?

Have you known or heard of a pastor or professor fall in this area and have an affair or get divorced? What about a pastor in the public eye? With divorce rates growing, and the internet being easy access to inappropriate relationships and pornography, we need hedges more than ever. The fact is, this world does not make it easy for us or our men. In the book, Hedges, Jerry B. Jenkins states in his introduction, "As much as people don't like to hear, read, or talk about it, the fact is that most Christian men do not have victory over lust." He goes on to say, "Scripture does not imply that we ever shall have victory over lust the way we are expected to win over worry or greed or malice. Rather, Paul instructs Timothy, and thus us, not to conquer or stand and fight, or pray about or resolve, but to flee lust." Flee from lust! We need to run from it like crazy!

It may not be the man or woman you know today that is the problem, but when the one that is attractive comes along, the hedges are their to protect you and your husband. The fact is, by the time we think we need the hedges, its too late.

If you feel that you are your husband need to have this conversation, but aren't quite sure where to start, I recommend the book Hedges by Jerry B. Jenkins. It is an easy read with discussion questions at the end of the book. It is well worth the $10! This book highly influenced how Dave and I protect our marriage.

Not everyone's hedges are the same. Comment below what some of the hedges you have in place in your marriage to help our fellow wives!

Would you like to talk more about my story and hedges? Email me at jaymamosher@gmail.com.

Would you like to share a story, article, or recipe on the TWF Crowns blog? Email us at twfcrowns@gmail.com. Do you have questions about TWF, Mom's Ministry, or Bible Study? Email us at twf@tiu.edu.

My Little One

by Lily Endang Joeliani

Christmas in this faraway place brings new experiences for our family. What a surprise to find that there’s no Christmas service or celebration ON CHRISTMAS DAY, Dec 25! We were baffled, to say the least. One of new experience for us is “The Hanging of the Greens” event in our church. It’s a celebratory event that functions as the “official” church decorating for Christmas. Of course the actual church decorating is done at another time (before or after), but most of the decorating at the sanctuary itself happens during the event. And what a better excuse and opportunity to show-off our talents while the decorating process takes place? Children and youth would do most of the job, hanging ornaments, lighting candles, adorning pews. In and out they came at several stages of event with their antics and gleeful struts. Several little ones would squeals, “Da-da!” or “Hi, Mommy!” and waved or hugged their parents. Adorable!

During one of such performance, one of our youth sung a beautiful song from a Christmas cantata by Robert Sterling. This song is supposedly sung by Mary after Jesus is born. You can almost imagine the scene from Luke 2:16-21 appears before your eyes:

And they went with haste and found Mary and Joseph, and the baby lying in a manger. And when they saw it, they made known the saying that had been told them concerning this child. And all who heard it wondered at what the shepherds told them. But Mary treasured up all these things, pondering them in her heart. And the shepherds returned, glorifying and praising God for all they had heard and seen, as it had been told them. And at the end of eight days, when he was circumcised, he was called Jesus, the name given by the angel before he was conceived in the womb.

As a mother, I was struck by the lyrics of this song. As Christians, we probably have never thought much about Mary. How young she was when the angel told her she was going to conceive God’s Son (she was probably my daughter’s age or even younger!). How scared and unsure she must have felt in the glare of her neighborhood. How fragile and full of doubt her relationship with Joseph must have been (he was thinking of abandoning her secretly!). Yet she chose to obediently go with him to Bethlehem. How the panic she felt when contractions came, yet they have nowhere to stay. And finally, … a manger? Really? … What conflicting feelings she must had looking at her helpless baby after the birth. A baby, yet the Messiah, the Son of God!

Mary received the responsibility through the words of an angel, and the special task was confirmed by her visit to her cousin, Elizabeth. But Mary must have been dumbfounded when those shepherds that she had never met in her entire life, came and worship the baby. And they told her that the news was brought by an angel, too! It must have been a great source of assurance, a great comfort to her. A further confirmation to Joseph too, that she wasn’t lying after all.

And I don’t know whether Mary realize at that moment that Jesus, her son, THAT baby, will have to endure so much in His adult years. He looked so helpless, just like any other baby. He cried. He was hungry. He needed to be swaddled and changed time and again. She wasn’t sure what He will become or what He will do (as we mothers towards our children, too!) Yet she couldn’t deny the fact that the baby, her own son, is special. However, she was one happy and love-struck mother that night, falling in love with her baby. The softness of His skin, the warmth of His body, His sweet cry. She just wanted to savor that!

And this song, I think, represent well what Mary must have felt that night.

My Little One

Heavenly Father, see what You made

He’s just like You told me, He’s just like You said

I’m holding Love in my arms tonight

Just let Him be my little one tonight

Sent down from heaven, God become man

He’s only a baby, and yet He’s Your plan

I’m holding Love in my arms tonight

Just let Him be my little one tonight

I know tomorrow will come

I know His work must be done

But please let Him be my little one – tonight

Heavenly Father, hear Your Son cry

The promised Messiah needs His mother tonight

I’m holding Love in my arms tonight

Just let Him be my little one tonight

I know tomorrow will come

I know His work must be done

But please let Him be my little one – tonight

This is a powerful reminder that Jesus’ birth is real. A real mother with feelings. A real baby, powerless baby at that. And we are so blessed that He always choose ways that we all can understand, forms that we can relate with. Fellow human beings, just like us. Our human languages and experiences.

MERRY CHRISTMAS!

Thankfulness

It has been great studying Colossians this semester. It also seemed like perfect timing to be talking through thankfulness with Thanksgiving this week.

Paul speaks about thankfulness several times throughout the book of Colossians. He often pairs being thankful with instruction for prayer. It is so easy to go to God with a laundry list of things we need, and forget to thank God for all He has given us. In Colossians 2:6-7 NIV, Paul says, "So then, just as you received Christ Jesus as Lord, continue to live in him, rooted and built up in him, strengthened in the faith as you were taught, and overflowing with thankfulness." This encourages me to ask the question: Am I overflowing with thankfulness?

As we celebrate this holiday weekend, challenge yourself to be thankful for all that God has done for us.

"And whatever you do, whether in word or deed, do it all in the name of the Lord Jesus, giving thanks to God the Father through him."  Colossians 3:17 NIV

"Sex is a ministry" ...and other things I've learned at seminary.

As a TWF small group leader, I have learned the power of being vulnerable and “going first” when it comes to sharing personal things. I experienced this at a recent small group gathering when I shared a rather intimate prayer request. As I talked, I sensed a collective sigh of relief from the women around the room. Many wives told me later, “Thank you for sharing that...” or “Me, too…” This deep chord would not have been struck among us if someone hadn’t gone first. I suppose this blog post is also me “going first.”

My intimate prayer request that night? Pray for my sex life.

I’ve often heard it said that we need to speak more openly, more frankly, more frequently about sex in the Church.

Well, let’s do it.

As I started praying about my sex life, God led me to His Word…that source of comfort and Truth that always seems to have the answers when I have nothing. Guess which book He drew me to?

Yep. Song of Solomon.

And this is the moment when I wish this was not a blog; not a screen you’re just reading; not another article you might stumble upon today. Instead, I wish I could make you a mug of something warm and yummy, offer you the other chair at my tiny kitchen table, crack open my favorite old study Bible, and talk face-to-face, friend-to-friend, about what God opened my eyes to. For now, this measly post will have to do. Turn to Song of Solomon, Chapter 4 J.

Now, I’m not here to argue my specific interpretation of this book or explain the depths of Hebrew poetry (I’ll leave that to our husbands!), but I just have to tell you about these verses.  Chapter 4 appears to be the wedding night between the Lover and his Beloved, and it opens with the man’s poetic, gushing, heartfelt description of his new bride. This Lover makes Mr. Darcy look like a chump, as he waxes eloquently with phrases like, “All beautiful you are, my darling, there is no flaw in you…” (v. 7) and “You have stolen my heart with one glance of your eyes…” (v. 9). Cue the swooning, ladies!

At the end of this detailed description of her, he draws out a few specific images that are important…images that spoke to me and convicted me. Perhaps they’ll do the same for you. In verses 12 and 15, he describes her as a “garden locked up,” “a spring enclosed,” “a garden fountain,” and “a well of flowing water.” All of these images communicate that she is a source of refreshment that belongs to him alone.

 She quenches something in him, and she is exclusively his.

Also, the water analogies of fountains and springs show that, not only does she refresh him, but her refreshment is the very best. In that land and climate, springs and fountains were the purest, most delicious and satisfying forms of water available. It’s the difference between an old bottle of water left in your hot car and a clean, fresh glass of ice cold water. Give me the ice water any day, right?! Let’s also take note that these water analogies carried both taste and sound imagery; how relaxing and delightful is the sound of a bubbling brook! That’s the picture he paints of her…that’s what she does to him.

Indulge me, here, and let me tell you about one more observation that struck me (take another sip from your warm mug, because we’re going somewhere!). These garden, fountain, flowing water descriptions sandwich verses 13 and 14, where he lists various things found in her “orchard of pomegranates” (like cinnamon, myrrh, nard, henna, saffron, etc). Ok, so get this…the word “orchard” in verse 13 comes from the Hebrew word that we get “paradise” from.

Did you know that? I didn’t!

When the Lover uses the words “orchard” or “garden,” the picture is more of a park or forest; not the neat, straight rows, weed-pulling, sprouting seedlings, or cute harvest décor that can flash through our minds with the words “orchard” or “garden.” Instead, he compares her to a romantic, heavenly forest with plenty of nooks and crannies, meadows and glens, where new beauties can be discovered and enjoyed. Also, the “plants” in her “orchard of pomegranates” are very sensual and aromatic. His list is mostly perfumes…smells. She is a sensory experience for him, and she overwhelms him. (Just ask your husband what the scent of your favorite perfume does to him!)

His beautiful description of her ends, and the Beloved responds to him, in verse 16, with an invitation for him to enjoy her. I don’t know about you, but when my husband gushes about me or tells me how beautiful I am, an invitation is not always my reply. Sometimes, my response is “Guh! I just worked all day and didn’t have time to shower…no, thank you, hunny.”

“Awake, north wind! Blow on my garden!” is not always my gut reaction.

Predictably, the Lover accepts this invitation and moves toward her (5:1). Again, this is described using language that invokes sensory overload: distinct, luxurious aromas…rich, delicious food…thick, creamy drinks. Yum. J

Immediately after he moves toward her (you get the gist that they do, indeed, make love), the Friends or Others chime in and encourage them. The ESV actually uses the phrase, “be drunk with love.” Song of Solomon is obviously a poetic genre, but it’s interesting that the Bible would encourage us to be intoxicated! Right on! Let’s lose control and get completely smashed…with ecstasy over our husbands!

Alright, observations over. You can close your Bible now, friend. Let’s talk…

As I worked through these passages and prayed about my sex life, God opened my eyes to something profound. He highlighted it again this week as a pastor’s wife taught at our TWF Large Group gathering:

Sexual pleasure is a ministry that I have to my husband that no one else has.

He can have a cup of coffee and deep conversation with anyone...he can hear a convicting sermon from any good speaker…he can worship in song with any old hymn.

But God has entrusted ME and me ALONE with the privilege…nay, the responsibility to minister to my husband and love him in this way. I am his enclosed garden, full of delights (no matter how I might view myself).

I am the only fountain he’s allowed to drink from.

And sometimes…like in these last 4 weeks before finals when I barely see him…it is a ministry. It is a choice to say, “No, honey, we haven’t gotten to share our hearts, and you haven’t been romantic or brought me flowers, and there’s not time to find a babysitter and have a date night. But I’m going to respect and honor the way God has made you…as a man who is physiologically different from me in ways I don’t always understand! I’m going to love you selflessly and minister to you in this way.”

Does that excuse the lack of flowers? Umm…NO!

Does that mean it’s ok for the romance to be missing? No way!

Sexual pleasure is a two-way street in which he is called to minister to me, too. Thoughtful notes, candlelight, deep emotional connection, and long, drawn-out love-making will not (must not!) be shoved on the back burner of life and forgotten about.

What I’m saying is that when those crazy weeks hit and our dear husbands are under immense stress, it is an act of service and selflessness on our part to engage them sexually and meet their needs.

But oh, friend, I am just scratching the surface with this post. There’s so much more that should be said. There isn’t room here to dig deeply into this topic, which is a real shame.

Because, frankly, sex in marriage is hard. It can be an area of pain, guilt, conflict, and depending on the season of life you’re in (pregnancy, menopause, new baby), sex is just plain CHALLENGING. C’mon now, I’m 29 weeks pregnant with a toddler at home…let’s talk about sex being difficult! J

If you’re struggling in this area, don’t allow it to go unaddressed. Communicate with your husband, and be honest about what’s really going on. Don’t be afraid to talk to someone you trust. My tiny kitchen table is open, for what it’s worth.

And maybe, in the midst of exegesis papers and final exams, grocery lists and holiday preparations,  this long-winded blog post was what you needed to hear…a little word from the Maker of sex, the Giver of all good gifts, the One who holds your marriage together. Maybe it’s the nudge you need to stop washing the clothes and start taking off your clothes. To let dinner get cold while you get other things hot. To send him an email that simply reads: “Naked. Come home. Now.”. To capitalize on nap time by heading to bed yourselves. 

Drink your fill, friend! And let’s get drunk with love!

 

 

 

 

Renee Gowler and her husband, Alex, moved to Trinity in the fall of 2012. They live on campus with their 18 month old son, Zeke, and are expecting a baby girl in February. Alex is pursuing his MDiv, while Renee works full-time as a momma and part-time as a personal assistant/housekeeper for a local family. She leads an on-campus Bible study with the Trinity Wives Fellowship and loves being part of such a diverse, Christ-centered community of women. Her favorite things include: baking chocolate chip cookies, quoting Lord of the Rings with her husband, tickling Zeke, and journaling to Jesus.