**I recently gave this devotion at the bridal shower of a beloved sister in the Lord.
A few details have been edited, but I pray that these words
will still be edifying to other Christian women preparing for marriage
and even those already experiencing its joys!**
Marriage is such a glorious gifts and blessing, but there are times where it can feel like there is an overwhelming learning curve. Thankfully, the Lord has not left us alone in this, but He has given us His word, which is living and active and complete for all instruction in righteousness.
So without further ado here are five clear principles we see laid out concerning marriage in Scripture.
1) Leave and Cleave
And the rib that the LORD God had taken from the man he made into a woman and brought her to the man. Then the man said, "This is bone of my bones and flesh of my flesh; she shall be called Woman, because she was taken out of Man." Therefore a man shall leave his father and his mother and hold fast to his wife, and they shall become one flesh. (Genesis 2:22-24)
God designed marriage. He instituted that it involve only one man, one woman, and the Lord. They were to leave all their other earthly allegiances and hold each other above everyone else in their lives even fathers and mothers.
"Leaving and cleaving" can often be one of the most challenging things in early marriage. Understanding that the Lord has united you to one man and you are building a new life with him can be difficult to put into practice. While you love them all dearly and are thankful for their wisdom in years past, your marriage will not look like your parents', your sibling's, your friends', or any other godly couple you may know. The Lord is creating something new between you and your husband. While the foundation of the Gospel must remain the same, your marriage will present a beautifully unique picture to a watching world. Embrace that, my sister, and hold fast to your man alone! Don't try to replicated anyone else's marriage or family life. Love and enjoy your own!
2) Be your husband's helper
"For man was not made from woman, but woman from man. Neither was man created for woman, but woman for man." (I Corinthians 11:8-9)
Men and women are of equal worth before the Lord, but we each have different roles. As you enter into the covenant of marriage, you take on a new chief role in life: that of helper to your husband.
I'm sure thousands of pages have been spent in various marriage books trying to spell out exactly what it means for a wife to be a helper to her husband. There are some basics that apply to all marriages based on Scripture's commands like those to pray for our husbands, exhort them in love, respect them, and give our bodies freely to them in physical intimacy, but outside of Scripture's explicit commands, being a helper to your husband looks different in every marriage. A farmer's wife will help her husband in different ways than a pastor's wife or a computer tech's wife. Every man is different. Every wife is different.
Honestly, ignore the lists in all the marriage books, and regularly ask your own husband what he needs and desires from you as his wife. Seek to please your own husband, not the husband of the woman who wrote your favorite marriage book. Seek to love, serve, honor, and please your beloved husband until one of you dies or Christ returns!
3) Submit to your own husband.
"Wives, submit to your own husbands, as to the Lord." (Ephesians 4:22)
Before I was married, this Scriptural command seemed so simple and clear. I was sure that submission would be no problem at all for me. Four years into marriage, I now know why this command is in the Bible. The Lord knew that we women needed this, and He know we needed it to be so incredibly clear.
The Lord had commanded wives to submit to their own husbands not just any man, but their own husbands in the loving covenant of marriage. This is a glorious thing!! In submitting to our husbands, we get to image Christ in a small way as He submitted to His Father unto death. Maybe your struggle with submission will be over a job decision, a budget category, or a parenting style for your children. When the day comes when your flesh cries out against this command (and sadly it likely will come), get down on your knees and cry out to God. Ask Him to enable you to submit joyfully and lovingly to your husband, all the while resting peacefully in God's perfect sovereignty. The Lord has given you to this man. My sister, the Lord will be faithful to enable you to do all that He has commanded in your marriage.
4) Count children as gifts from God.
"Behold, children are a heritage from the LORD, the fruit of the womb a reward." (Psalm 127:3)
One of the chief lies our culture tells married couples is that children are burdens to be put off indefinitely or only endured for short times. Sadly this view can be shared even in the church when newlyweds are told under the guise of wisdom to avoid pregnancy at all costs till they have "spent x number of years getting to know each other," "have x number of dollars in their banks accounts," or "have reached a certain place of stability in their educational pursuits/careers."
Scripture never gives us these worldly prerequisites to having children. If it did, most believers outside of the US now and most believers throughout history should not have children. There may be times when a Christian couple may deem it wise to try and prevent pregnancy for a season. Even in seeking to prevent pregnancy though, our underlying attitude must be one of welcoming children if the Lord sees fit to give them.
God says that He alone opens and closes the womb and that He alone knits a child together in its mother's womb. We are not as in control as we think. Furthermore, He says that He will always provide for us. If/when/how the Lord gives you children, He will provide!!
Choosing to walk in the face of these cultural lies from the world and believe God's word about children will often lead to ridicule. If you get pregnant "too soon" after the wedding, "too soon" after a previous birth, have "too many" children, or are willing to spend thousands for the sake of adoption the world will indeed laugh at you! Remember though my sister the word of God. Children are treasured gifts and blessing from the Lord. Do not reject them. Be a married couple that joyfully welcomes children as rewards from the God, not burdens or interruptions to your life plans.
5) Humbly ask for help and instruction.
"Older women likewise are to be reverent in behavior, not slanderers or slaves to much wine. They are to teach what is good, and so train the young women to love their husbands and children, to be self-controlled, pure, working at home, kind, and submissive to their own husbands, that the word of God may not be reviled." (Titus 2:3-5)
Feeling overwhelmed yet? I know I have often felt the weight of marriage. I have desired so deeply to obey the Lord's commands for my life as a wife and mother, yet felt I was hopelessly failing.
Praise the Lord that He doesn't leave us alone. He gives us His word to instruct us, the Holy Spirit to enable us, and godly women to talk beside us!!
It seems to me, that the Lord doesn't expect us to have this all down pat our first day of marriage. He has given us godly older women to do life with us and instruct us on exactly how to flesh out these truths from Scripture.
I am so thankful for godly older women in the Church who have helped instruct me on how to love my husband and children, to be self-controlled, pure, working at home, kind, and submissive to my own husband. What a blessing this instruction is!!! I grieve for women outside the Church who in many ways have to do marriage stumbling along on their own.
So my last exhortation to you, my dear sister in Christ, is to humble yourself and accept the instruction of godly older women in your life. Sometimes it will be sweet. Other times it will sting. But either way, praise the Lord for this provision in your life and use it to be spurred on to glorify God all the more in your marriage!!
May we all seek to glorify God more each and every day in our marriages! Praying for you, my dear sweet sisters in Christ.
By Lexi Zuo
TWF Member
TWF Member
Lexi is a sinner saved by grace,
wife to Jeremiah,
mother to three little ones,
and an avid reader.
