Starting Over:making friends in a new place

By Abby Reid

I think I have a case of meet-new-people fatigue. Now I'm an extreme extrovert, so I never believed this day would come.

But it came.

In fact, I was actually talked out by the time my husband came home last night. Talk about a first.

I have met new neighbors, new moms, new colleagues, new teachers, new church members, new everyone.

I feel like everyone and their brother knows three things about me: I grew up in California, we lived in Kazakhstan for seven years, and my husband is starting a PhD program.

And I know three similar things about the persons in the crowds that surround me.

But how do you go from the meet-and-greet stage to real friendship?

Since I'm not on the other side of the present story I can't claim to be a true expert, but I'm going to throw out a few do's and don'ts I've found to be true.
Here goes:

1.Don't give up on relationships before they start. The "I'm only going to be here for a little while so why try to make friends?" attitude is the enemy of authentic relationships. It's tough being in a new place. It can bring out our insecurities, which makes us want to withdraw or blame others. But neither will bring us the result we are looking for.

2.Be a giver. Instead of thinking about how miserable we are, we can look around us. I guarantee there are other people feeling just like us, maybe even more so. And with some risk we can reach out. Nothing makes us feel better than giving-whether it be spiritually, emotionally or financially. Like Jesus said, "it's more blessed to give than receive."

3. Don't be a martyr. Yes, we should give. Yes, we should lay our lives down for those God has given us. But no, we should not lie to ourselves or those around us about our lack of needs, shoving anger or frustration into a deep pit that will a) make us sick and/or b) boil over at a later time. There is a song by Rich Mullins that I love: "We are not as strong as we think we are..."

4.Pray specifically. If we want friends, we should ask God. Sounds simple enough but I think a lot of us might have two barriers. First, we don't want to admit that we want friends. It sounds so needy or pathetic. But the Scripture is clear: if you don't ask, you don't receive. Second, we don't want to be specific in our prayer. It is easier to pray for strength to endure or God's will to be done, whatever that is. Praying specifically is risky. What if Good doesn't answer? What if He says no? (Well, He might. See point No. 4.) But we won't know if God has answered unless we are specific.

5.Remember that God has a plan. If we have accepted God's offer of forgiveness for sins through Jesus, and agreed to follow His ways, then we know that God is working in our lives. And sometimes He is working through the hard things. Personally, I have found that in the times of the greatest pressure God is working the biggest changes in me. But He is God, and I've given Him permission (even asked!) for Him to transform me. Yes, friendships would be great! But really, our relationship with Jesus Christ is what matters the most.


Abby Reid moved to Trinity in June with her husband, Jake, and her three small boys--Nathan, Isaiah, and Elijah. Before that, they worked in Kazakhstan for seven years. You can read more about their adventures at their blog: afewfish.com

The God Who Satisfies

By Tarah Shrader

  Have you ever gazed into the night sky and were filled with awe by the multitude of stars in the heavens, or stilled by the colors produced from the setting of the sun, or in complete awe of the vast expanse from a mountain peak? And in some way do these moments point you to God and remind you of his amazing power as Creator of everything? It really puts everything into perspective, and may remind you that God cares for you. He is in control of your life, and is providing and satisfying your every need, whether you realize it or not.

 This past Monday, TWF small groups went over their first lesson, Psalm 104 "The God Who Satisfies". In Psalm 104 David writes about God's splendor and majesty in heaven, and His complete control over all of His creation. The Psalm opens with a beautiful picture of God in heaven ruling as Creator. It then goes into His control of creation; He gives water as refreshment to all living; He provides a dwelling place for each creature; He brings forth plants for animals to feed on and man to cultivate for food; He controls the celestial bodies that provide light both day and night; He sustains the sea and all living creatures in it; He gives life and He brings death; and because of God's care over all of creation He deserves glory and praise.

  So if you are facing a trail or are overwhelmed by life's responsibilities, just look out your window and remember that the God who created all things still cares for you and is satisfying your every need.

  Psalm 104:28b.

   "When you open your hand, they are satisfied with good things."