Thankfulness

It has been great studying Colossians this semester. It also seemed like perfect timing to be talking through thankfulness with Thanksgiving this week.

Paul speaks about thankfulness several times throughout the book of Colossians. He often pairs being thankful with instruction for prayer. It is so easy to go to God with a laundry list of things we need, and forget to thank God for all He has given us. In Colossians 2:6-7 NIV, Paul says, "So then, just as you received Christ Jesus as Lord, continue to live in him, rooted and built up in him, strengthened in the faith as you were taught, and overflowing with thankfulness." This encourages me to ask the question: Am I overflowing with thankfulness?

As we celebrate this holiday weekend, challenge yourself to be thankful for all that God has done for us.

"And whatever you do, whether in word or deed, do it all in the name of the Lord Jesus, giving thanks to God the Father through him."  Colossians 3:17 NIV

"Sex is a ministry" ...and other things I've learned at seminary.

As a TWF small group leader, I have learned the power of being vulnerable and “going first” when it comes to sharing personal things. I experienced this at a recent small group gathering when I shared a rather intimate prayer request. As I talked, I sensed a collective sigh of relief from the women around the room. Many wives told me later, “Thank you for sharing that...” or “Me, too…” This deep chord would not have been struck among us if someone hadn’t gone first. I suppose this blog post is also me “going first.”

My intimate prayer request that night? Pray for my sex life.

I’ve often heard it said that we need to speak more openly, more frankly, more frequently about sex in the Church.

Well, let’s do it.

As I started praying about my sex life, God led me to His Word…that source of comfort and Truth that always seems to have the answers when I have nothing. Guess which book He drew me to?

Yep. Song of Solomon.

And this is the moment when I wish this was not a blog; not a screen you’re just reading; not another article you might stumble upon today. Instead, I wish I could make you a mug of something warm and yummy, offer you the other chair at my tiny kitchen table, crack open my favorite old study Bible, and talk face-to-face, friend-to-friend, about what God opened my eyes to. For now, this measly post will have to do. Turn to Song of Solomon, Chapter 4 J.

Now, I’m not here to argue my specific interpretation of this book or explain the depths of Hebrew poetry (I’ll leave that to our husbands!), but I just have to tell you about these verses.  Chapter 4 appears to be the wedding night between the Lover and his Beloved, and it opens with the man’s poetic, gushing, heartfelt description of his new bride. This Lover makes Mr. Darcy look like a chump, as he waxes eloquently with phrases like, “All beautiful you are, my darling, there is no flaw in you…” (v. 7) and “You have stolen my heart with one glance of your eyes…” (v. 9). Cue the swooning, ladies!

At the end of this detailed description of her, he draws out a few specific images that are important…images that spoke to me and convicted me. Perhaps they’ll do the same for you. In verses 12 and 15, he describes her as a “garden locked up,” “a spring enclosed,” “a garden fountain,” and “a well of flowing water.” All of these images communicate that she is a source of refreshment that belongs to him alone.

 She quenches something in him, and she is exclusively his.

Also, the water analogies of fountains and springs show that, not only does she refresh him, but her refreshment is the very best. In that land and climate, springs and fountains were the purest, most delicious and satisfying forms of water available. It’s the difference between an old bottle of water left in your hot car and a clean, fresh glass of ice cold water. Give me the ice water any day, right?! Let’s also take note that these water analogies carried both taste and sound imagery; how relaxing and delightful is the sound of a bubbling brook! That’s the picture he paints of her…that’s what she does to him.

Indulge me, here, and let me tell you about one more observation that struck me (take another sip from your warm mug, because we’re going somewhere!). These garden, fountain, flowing water descriptions sandwich verses 13 and 14, where he lists various things found in her “orchard of pomegranates” (like cinnamon, myrrh, nard, henna, saffron, etc). Ok, so get this…the word “orchard” in verse 13 comes from the Hebrew word that we get “paradise” from.

Did you know that? I didn’t!

When the Lover uses the words “orchard” or “garden,” the picture is more of a park or forest; not the neat, straight rows, weed-pulling, sprouting seedlings, or cute harvest décor that can flash through our minds with the words “orchard” or “garden.” Instead, he compares her to a romantic, heavenly forest with plenty of nooks and crannies, meadows and glens, where new beauties can be discovered and enjoyed. Also, the “plants” in her “orchard of pomegranates” are very sensual and aromatic. His list is mostly perfumes…smells. She is a sensory experience for him, and she overwhelms him. (Just ask your husband what the scent of your favorite perfume does to him!)

His beautiful description of her ends, and the Beloved responds to him, in verse 16, with an invitation for him to enjoy her. I don’t know about you, but when my husband gushes about me or tells me how beautiful I am, an invitation is not always my reply. Sometimes, my response is “Guh! I just worked all day and didn’t have time to shower…no, thank you, hunny.”

“Awake, north wind! Blow on my garden!” is not always my gut reaction.

Predictably, the Lover accepts this invitation and moves toward her (5:1). Again, this is described using language that invokes sensory overload: distinct, luxurious aromas…rich, delicious food…thick, creamy drinks. Yum. J

Immediately after he moves toward her (you get the gist that they do, indeed, make love), the Friends or Others chime in and encourage them. The ESV actually uses the phrase, “be drunk with love.” Song of Solomon is obviously a poetic genre, but it’s interesting that the Bible would encourage us to be intoxicated! Right on! Let’s lose control and get completely smashed…with ecstasy over our husbands!

Alright, observations over. You can close your Bible now, friend. Let’s talk…

As I worked through these passages and prayed about my sex life, God opened my eyes to something profound. He highlighted it again this week as a pastor’s wife taught at our TWF Large Group gathering:

Sexual pleasure is a ministry that I have to my husband that no one else has.

He can have a cup of coffee and deep conversation with anyone...he can hear a convicting sermon from any good speaker…he can worship in song with any old hymn.

But God has entrusted ME and me ALONE with the privilege…nay, the responsibility to minister to my husband and love him in this way. I am his enclosed garden, full of delights (no matter how I might view myself).

I am the only fountain he’s allowed to drink from.

And sometimes…like in these last 4 weeks before finals when I barely see him…it is a ministry. It is a choice to say, “No, honey, we haven’t gotten to share our hearts, and you haven’t been romantic or brought me flowers, and there’s not time to find a babysitter and have a date night. But I’m going to respect and honor the way God has made you…as a man who is physiologically different from me in ways I don’t always understand! I’m going to love you selflessly and minister to you in this way.”

Does that excuse the lack of flowers? Umm…NO!

Does that mean it’s ok for the romance to be missing? No way!

Sexual pleasure is a two-way street in which he is called to minister to me, too. Thoughtful notes, candlelight, deep emotional connection, and long, drawn-out love-making will not (must not!) be shoved on the back burner of life and forgotten about.

What I’m saying is that when those crazy weeks hit and our dear husbands are under immense stress, it is an act of service and selflessness on our part to engage them sexually and meet their needs.

But oh, friend, I am just scratching the surface with this post. There’s so much more that should be said. There isn’t room here to dig deeply into this topic, which is a real shame.

Because, frankly, sex in marriage is hard. It can be an area of pain, guilt, conflict, and depending on the season of life you’re in (pregnancy, menopause, new baby), sex is just plain CHALLENGING. C’mon now, I’m 29 weeks pregnant with a toddler at home…let’s talk about sex being difficult! J

If you’re struggling in this area, don’t allow it to go unaddressed. Communicate with your husband, and be honest about what’s really going on. Don’t be afraid to talk to someone you trust. My tiny kitchen table is open, for what it’s worth.

And maybe, in the midst of exegesis papers and final exams, grocery lists and holiday preparations,  this long-winded blog post was what you needed to hear…a little word from the Maker of sex, the Giver of all good gifts, the One who holds your marriage together. Maybe it’s the nudge you need to stop washing the clothes and start taking off your clothes. To let dinner get cold while you get other things hot. To send him an email that simply reads: “Naked. Come home. Now.”. To capitalize on nap time by heading to bed yourselves. 

Drink your fill, friend! And let’s get drunk with love!

 

 

 

 

Renee Gowler and her husband, Alex, moved to Trinity in the fall of 2012. They live on campus with their 18 month old son, Zeke, and are expecting a baby girl in February. Alex is pursuing his MDiv, while Renee works full-time as a momma and part-time as a personal assistant/housekeeper for a local family. She leads an on-campus Bible study with the Trinity Wives Fellowship and loves being part of such a diverse, Christ-centered community of women. Her favorite things include: baking chocolate chip cookies, quoting Lord of the Rings with her husband, tickling Zeke, and journaling to Jesus.